I haven’t posted for a while. The sudden turn in my dear wife’s cancer, and her subsequent death have taken over my days. I am still grieving and it hurts. The support and encouragement has been overwhelming, and it all has helped to keep my faith strong and growing. But the pain is another thing, and that seems endless right now.
It helps to think forward. Memories are too difficult, although I can’t stop the flashbacks, the sadness of separation, all the words left unsaid and plans never to be filled.
One of the absolute joys earlier this year was the excitement and anticipation we shared in my calling to stand for Moderator. Marsha’s excitement and faith surpassed mine, and the joy of her confidence was a rock of encouragement. The prognosis for her health was excellent, and we looked forward to a good year.
All that changed in early April, when we were suddenly confronted with the seriousness of her undiscovered cancer. From that point, I only wanted to be with Marsha in every way possible to hope and struggle against the odds for a healing. Death came instead, and with unimaginable speed.
In the last two weeks, as Marsha’s symptoms increased and my time was fully devoted to being with her, she quietly asked me to promise that whatever happened I would continue the stand for Moderator. It meant so much to her. I could only remain silent as she looked at me, and as we both knew together that all things were in the hands of God. I could not make that promise, hoping that in my silence she would understand.
When we were married, we were in love. We promised each other that the life we would make together would be a help to the community and the world. We never imagined how much our hopes and dreams would be fulfilled in our work with Meeting Ground. As the years progressed we learned to work together more and more. Even in times of personal disagreement, we remained solid and hopeful in our faith and relationship as we knew how much our ministry helped others. Marsha believed in and implemented the ideals of Meeting Ground more than anyone. The love we knew at the end was so much wider and deeper than that we had at first.
Marsha, I am grateful to God for our years together, and for you, my dearest friend and partner. I do love you so, even as you taught me so much what it means to love in deed. I will be going to San Jose, and whatever happens in the plan of our Lord, I will do my best to make you proud.